10)+Alendjrah+Newell

‍‍‍﻿Alendjrah Aiyana Renae Newell
i remeber on my first day of school i saw a fight i remeber when my couisin k'saun asked to use a pencil i remeber when i took my first test i remeber when i met my class k'saun eugene mitchell remy malique danielle raymont shyheim lewis carlette chasytie yvonne i remeber my schedule were we was always together ALWAYS i remeber when i made best friends with this girl named yvonne we went every were together we was always together unless i was introuble and sometimes it didn

===I think a good influential person would be Aaliyah shes a great singer she is young and beatiful with two " l's '' . If she was still alive she would be my favorite singer . She has influienced many people in the time she was alive i think she still is in many years from her death.=== Aaliyah Dana Haughton (January 16, 1979 – August 25, 2001), who performed under the monoyomn Aaliyah was an American recording artist, actress and model. She was born in Brooklyn New York, and was raised in Detriot, Michiagan. At an early age, she appeared on the television show //Star Search// and performed in concert alongside Glaydes Night. At age 12, Aaliyah signed with Jive ecords and her uncle Barry Hankerson's Blackground Records. Hankerson introduced her to R. Kelly, who became her mentor, as well as lead songwriter and producer of her debut album, //Age Ain't Nothing but a Number//. The album sold three million copies in the United States and was certified double platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). After facing allegations of an illegal marriage with Kelly, Aaliyah ended her contract with Jive and signed with Atlantics Records. You owe me the influential person paper.

=== It was the day of my talent show. I had already performed in the school hours, but this time i'm performing in front of thousands it seemed like but it was only like maybe a 100 or two. I was so scared, but i couldn't wait for people to see how i sing. How i hit does notes. So yeah! It was my time to shine. === ** When i performed at the cafeteria on the stage while the lunch ladies was puting away there left over food making a lot of racket. Then finaly the princaple Mrs. Works told them to close up and come watch.I really didn't want to performe in front of my class and in front of the whole school to be exact it didn't seem so hard, because my whole class almost was in the talent show with me,but not with me on a duet or nothing. They all had there chance now, but this time it was my turn. I as i got up to the stage shaking, knees spining, stomach hurting i just wanted to go back when i looked in the crowd and saw my mom this would be the first u event she had ever been there for me. So i was so happy! My song came on then it was time for me to hit those notes i started " Im lost with out you" How does it feel to know that i love you baby" The crowd goes wild just like a pictured i hit the high note that he sings at the end. " aah baby oo nana aah ooo baby". Then i bowed and sayed thank you. ** ** Well now it's time to go home to get ready for another performance. With EVERYBODY'S parents and everything man was i scared there was twice as much there was two hours ago. So now i'm saying to my mom you know what i don't want to do this no more lets go home while we can before they can see me, but she had to say Alendjrah Aiyana Renae Newell sometimes i really hate those words. "Yes mom? You better snap out of it, because i did not drive all the way down here with all these kids and my baby is sick, but do you see me complaning. "no!" Okay now i have a attitude. When i get up there i had never stood on a stage and seen a crowd so big like it was amazing. I seen all my friends and there family. I thaught i was going to trip i was so close. For a second i blacked out and dayeddream about this one day i was at my uncles house when he kept on tiggiling me. Then i blacked back in. ** ** So when i get up there im kind of singing then i felt the song so i sang lourder and better everytime. Then my time was finally over i took a bow got down and said thank you. Award time says my old princaple again legs weak stomach hurts hands wobilen. Then she says the winner is Alendjrah Newell. I got uo then down then up and down. I my gosh i sayed my mom says get your award so we can go home. So i walked up there like i was the ish bomb. I sayed thankyou AGAIN and said goodnight and that's how i won my first talent show. ** ** I think you did a really good job here. You tell the story well. I do think you could take a look at it closely and work to clean up some of the sentence issues. There are some times when you have forgotten to use periods. I also think that you could spend a little more time at the last performance and share your feelings as you looked over the crowd. Describe the feelings you had at that moment. **

=== My names Secret agent double 007. I sent this man to jail a couple years ago, he promised to get revenge. Well he wasn't lying. I was taking my daughter home from school when i got an important call. I didn't know it was a setup though. As a pulled up to the "Trap House" i noticed that there was no cops so i tried to call for back up but the walkie talkies were down. So now i'm shook, scared,panicking. I heard shots fired so i had to take action. Why did i have to be so dumb? This time i called the police, because i wasn't trying to go in there by myself until i heard a scream, a scream by a woman. So now as a Secret Agent i had to go in. i knocked then yelled "Open up it's the police" i lied and said "We have you surrounded", but we really didn't. Let me repharse that "I" didn't have them surounded. I was so dumb! I broke down the door in there standing there was the THUG i sent to 5 to 20 years in jail. With his "THUG CREW". So i started begging "You don't have to do this buddy". Well he said "You didn't have to it ethier, but you did". "huh?and aint your buddy!" I started saying john 3,16 the bible verse as they came closer and jumped and sliced my face. ===
 * Good start Alendjrah. I like some of your description. I would add more to tell the story just a little more. Where was this talent show? You could add a lot description about the setting. How did you get in the show? Also, how did it feel to see your mom there? You could talk about why you chose the song that you chose. YOu are a good writer and are doing a good job here, keep working at this. **

Good start here Alendjrah. I think you did a good job of getting the attention of the reader. I like how it makes me wonder what is going to happen next. Remember this when you go on to your personal narrative.

Is it a good thing when performers declare that they have an alter ego?

 * ===Now comes Beyonce Knowles===
 * ===Some celebs live in the made-up persona, such as Sacha Baron Cohen, who, when he's got a project involving a Borat or a Bruno, becomes the character for all public appearances.===
 * ===Beyonce' says she has a big ego, but i don't think that's what she is talking about===

look over this and see any mistakes that need fixed.
Alendjrah, good start here. I think you are a good writer. Continue with another paragraph explaining another reason why uniforms are a bad idea here. Keep it up. Dear Principle, === Are you serious about uniforms, come on we don't like them.I myself do not think that uniforms are great for students in many ways im mean they have their benifents, but kids can not expres there self with uniforms. Many kids believe in their on style their own so they depend on their clothes to express them. At the same time the uniforms can help kids that are less fortunat and don't have all the things that the other kids have so they get picked on. Also because uniforms do cost less then name brands and regular clothes, but i do not think uniforms should be allowed i to be worn in school through out the years .=== **We need a variety of clothes not the same old boring clothes everyday. Everybody were the same colors and the same pants,shoes,shirts, and jackets that's takes out the fun. Even though some kids don't have clothes,shoes, and more like other kids so uniforms could benifents their disavantage, but yall have to think about us to were just not that boring.** **Uniforms also cost less than regular clothes, because their not name brand their just blue,tan, yellow,or black and more. We get tired of that. How ya'll talk about expresing our feelings well maybe if we don't get " UNIFORMS" we would be able to do that,but NO! Ya'll want to difficult and not allow us to. Well princaple i want to were my regular clothes. Now of days kids like to were pink,blue,green,brown,orange, and all kind of colors. I know you be happy when you get a new pair of shoes and want to wear them somewhere. So when we get a new pair of shoes and can't wear them everywhere what's the point of new shoes. I mean it's bad enough we can't were leggins and skirts, tutu's and flip flops. It's about to be summer and we can't wear the clothes we want and your trying to make us uniforms. You done already token half of our wardrobe. What's next?** **Well if you changed our wardrobe to uniforms i don't think i would want to come to this school no more.** Alendjrah, good start here. I think you are a good writer. Continue with another paragraph explaining another reason why uniforms are a bad idea here. Keep it up.

=== To improve your spelling you have to read the word over and over again to get it stuck in your head. Always keep a dictionary and thesaurus near you for obvious reasons. A dictionary helps you spell and a thesaurus helps with your vocabulary. That way if you forget you can look it up on the spot. If you Read out loud. Reading out loud forces you to slow down and pay better attention. Usually that's when we catch run-on sentences, fragments and other similar mistakes. Thoose are some good ways for you to improve your spelling. === === I came home around 4:18 where my godmom and godbrother they were sitting there watching nick Jr. the tv channell.She asked me "why did you come home so late?" i said, beacuse i was making up work remeber? Then i went in the kitchen and made some hamburgers they were so good.Then my godmom told me to "clean up the down stairs and wash your clothes and you can do whatever.",but ,mean while i was thinking how can i do whatever i want when i can't go outside? So thats when me and godbrother do the same thing everyday we ARGUE!! It dosen't matter what we argue about we argue to the fullest,but at the end of the day we still show each others a lot of love. When my godmom told us the were full of crap and that were fake as death and that i should grow up because i'm 13 and im arguing with him wich i think there is nothing wrong. Were just showing how we feel in arguments. === ===If i could choose any person i want to come to our school i would pick my godmother. I would probally choose my godmom, because she is always there for me and she helped me in my life many ways so i think she can inspire many other kids in my school when it comes to grades or pasing﻿. My godmom wants me top sucseed in go straight to college,becuase when she was in high school she waited ten years to go back to college and now shes in college and shes tweenty-eight or tweenty-seven. So she tries her hardest for me to get the best grades and go to the best schools in the best classes. To me she shows me some nice southern hosepitality. Thats who i would choose and why. === ===Good job here. You can be a really good writer. I would read through it once and check for any spelling or word errors. After you do that, you should mark the poster that you have completed this assignment. === ﻿Good work, keep it up.

=== To improve your spelling you have to read the word over and over again to get it stuck in your head. Always keep a dictionary and thesaurus near you for obvious reasons. A dictionary helps you spell and a thesaurus helps with your vocabulary. That way if you forget you can look it up on the spot. If you Read out loud. Reading out loud forces you to slow down and pay better attention. Usually that's when we catch run-on sentences, fragments and other similar mistakes. Thoose are some good ways for you to improve your spelling. === === I came home around 4:18 where my godmom and godbrother they were sitting there watching nick Jr. the tv channell.She asked me "why did you come home so late?" i said, beacuse i was making up work remeber? Then i went in the kitchen and made some hamburgers they were so good.Then my godmom told me to "clean up the down stairs and wash your clothes and you can do whatever.",but ,mean while i was thinking how can i do whatever i want when i can't go outside? So thats when me and godbrother do the same thing everyday we ARGUE!! It dosen't matter what we argue about we argue to the fullest,but at the end of the day we still show each others a lot of love. When my godmom told us the were full of crap and that were fake as death and that i should grow up because i'm 13 and im arguing with him wich i think there is nothing wrong. Were just showing how we feel in arguments. === ===If i could choose any person i want to come to our school i would pick my godmother. I would probally choose my godmom, because she is always there for me and she helped me in my life many ways so i think she can inspire many other kids in my school when it comes to grades or pasing﻿. My godmom wants me top sucseed in go straight to college,becuase when she was in high school she waited ten years to go back to college and now shes in college and shes tweenty-eight or tweenty-seven. So she tries her hardest for me to get the best grades and go to the best schools in the best classes. To me she shows me some nice southern hosepitality. Thats who i would choose and why. === ===Good job here. You can be a really good writer. I would read through it once and check for any spelling or word errors. After you do that, you should mark the poster that you have completed this assignment. === ﻿Good work, keep it up.